The Real Pandemic is Far Far Worse!
Graphic photos flooded every newscast.
Every death and injury was covered in detail.
With millions of fatalities and countless injuries flooding the hospitals of the nation, the situation screamed for government intervention.
Soon a national lockdown was announced.
Barriers were placed on roads in an effort to stop the progression…of everyone.
As promised, the deaths and injuries caused by automobile accidents went down immediately. On cue, experts in vehicle control paraded before the television cameras, boasting of the effectiveness of their measures and taking credit for saving thousands of lives.
Still, there were a few renegades that pointed out that the real problem with most vehicles was the nut behind the wheel. These people were quickly labeled as fanatics and weirdos. The kind of people who still listen to disco in an age of hip-hop.
The kind of people who needed to be silenced.
Which they were.
“If we all want to be free, we cannot all be free,” was the message proclaimed to the masses. This message was especially applauded by the horse selling lobby.
“It’s only horse sense to buy a horse,” was one of the advertisements that soon flooded the airways of the nation.
“Why beat a dead horse, when you could beat a live horse from Herman’s House of Horses?” Was another.
Happily, people listened to these inspiring messages, imprisoned their cars in government-supervised cages where they could harm no one, and went out to buy horses for themselves.
“In the good old days’ people would take responsibility for themselves,” said one happy customer. “These days we know better. It makes a lot more sense to follow the advice of billionaires and politicians. I mean, they’re making money off of us, they want to keep us healthy.”
Yes, it was a different world without cars. But, everyone was happy that they had supported the horse peddling lobby…and so, they all lived happily ever after…except the horses who had to do all the extra work.
But nobody cared about the fate of the lowly horse…they were safe from the plague of cars, and that was the most important thing.