Journey to Christmas Past #7

The lights wrapped around the wooden window frame sparkle and blink.

Gifts wrapped in color lie beneath the tree in the center of the room.

The smell of apple cider tantalizes the senses.

Grandmother is sitting in her rocking chair.

Brenda is sitting across from me on the wooden floor.

It’s just like last year. Well, not exactly. Brenda is showing signs of her pregnancy and I’m still wondering why she got herself into this mess.

“I’m glad you could join us, Patrick,” the grandmother says.

“So am I,” I say even as doubt tickles at the back of my mind. What was I thinking? Brenda’s grandmother always liked me. But, Brenda has decided to take a different path, and so have I, so, am I deluding myself?

I can still back out if I want to.

“I know Christmas isn’t officially for a while yet but, this is when our family has always celebrated it,” Brenda offers.

“Yes, I remember you saying that last year.”

Brenda laughs without a hint of joy. “Of course.” There is a pause and then Brenda speaks again. “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”

“Maybe you’re right, “ I say after an awkward pause.

The grandmother surveys the both of us from her perch in her chair. “Well, the good news is, you two agree on one thing.”

Brenda laughs. That familiar little laugh I always loved. “Grandmother, I know you mean well, but we’ve changed…”

“Have you?”

“Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?”

The grandmother looks blank. “Not to me it isn’t.”

“Grandmother, don’t be difficult.”

“You’re the difficult one.”

“Me?”

The argument carries on. It’s time for me to say what I came to say. I clear my throat, attempting to break into the conversation.

Brenda and her grandmother turn their attention toward me.

I take a breath. “You know what has happened to me, my life isn’t the same as it was either. I don’t know what I can do, but if…” I take another breath. “But if you’d have me, I’d like to figure out a way to start over.”

“That’s not what I thought you’d say,” Brenda says quietly.

“I wouldn’t have said that a few weeks ago…but these last few days have changed my thinking a bit.”

“Someone in your position wouldn’t have time to…” Brenda rests her hands on her growing belly. “To help someone like me.”

“Maybe you’re right, maybe it is an impossible idea…but I’d like the chance to try.”

“After all I’ve done?” Brenda avoids my eyes.

“Despite all we’ve done, in many ways, we’re still the same people we were last year at this time, aren’t we?”

Brenda pauses. “Yes, I suppose in many ways, we are.”

I smile. “Then, we have some common ground to work with, don’t we?”

The light on the window frame continues to sparkle as silence fills the room.

A grin fills grandmother’s wrinkled face.

Well, I said what I had to say. I hope that I haven’t made the wrong choice.

Brenda takes a breath. “There’s something else I need to tell you, Patrick…”

To be continued…